( elena has only actively chosen to use the mental link to communicate a handful of times since arriving. mostly it just makes her feel uncomfortable, if she's being totally honest, and she's never missed the simplicity of a phone call as much as she does now. she could track damon, the way he had with her, but she can't quite decide which feels weirder at the moment. is it more bizarre to follow someone's mental footprint through your hive of a space station home, or to literally speak to them in your head?
in the end the pseudo stalking wins out. she's not trying to mask her approach, but even if elena was making an effort she'd likely be all too obvious anyway. she's wary of the work being put into this particular skill now, conscious of the cost that could occur. lexa's warning is ever-present in the back of her mind now: Is that what you want?
there are a great many things that elena will sacrifice for the greater good, but she's not sure if she wants her entire sense of self to be one of them.
elena doesn't have to focus too much to be able to follow the distinct signature of damon, a shade different from everyone else around them. he's easily the person that she's had the most contact with since being here, bizarre as it still might feel he's the closest she's been with anyone. it's relatively easy to narrow it down once she's close enough, and by the time elena catches up with him they're in the rec room.
it's pretty immediately clear that she's here to talk serious. )
It's later.
( really, she thinks she's been very patient. there's so much eating her up about the kind of information that damon could be withholding, it's a wonder that she hasn't exploded. or that her brood haven't gone insane. she'll have to apologise for the turmoil she's causing the place one of these days, but for now at least her primary concern lies with what she still doesn't know. )
( when elena starts looking for him, damon can feel it. they spend most of their time together anyway, mostly because he prefers to have her as near to him as possible, so he doesn't try to mask his presence from her. on the contrary, he makes himself easier to find, reaching for her mind with his and leading her to him. it's difficult to decide how he feels about the link, when it comes to elena — he likes having her just a thought away, always in the back of his head, close enough that he can always tell if she's okay and what's happening with her, but having her in his head is dangerous. he knows so much that she doesn't, and his shielding lessons with sam have been effective, but he doesn't know that he'll always be able to keep her out the way he needs to.
part of him wants her to be in his head forever, the other wants her out as soon as possible. like most things about him, it's a contradiction he doesn't know what to do with, so he's ignoring it.
when she finds him, he's sitting in the rec room, a book on his lap, but his eyes are only on her. he smiles a little, when he sees her, but before she even says anything, he knows what she's going to say, and the smile fades. after a moment, he slides the book off his lap, and beckons her over. )
This is going to be harder to hear than the other stuff, ( he says — not to dissuade her from asking, but as a warning. it's not easy to hear you were adopted, that the uncle you've disliked your whole life is your real father, that your boyfriend dated your doppelganger a century and a half ago... she's not going to like any of it.
but he won't keep it from her. she's been so patient already, she deserves to know. )
( she hovers for a moment, two, as she tries to decide if she wants to sit or not. in the end it's a small streak of pettiness that sees her dragging a chair closer to damon, she just doesn't want to give him the opportunity to tell her that it might be a good idea. it's good that he warns her, she needs to know that this is going to be tough, but this is going to be on her terms, not anyone else's.
it's a vague gesture of control at best, and a real testament to just how incredibly out of control she feels in this place.
sat straight in the chair, expression sombre, hands clasped, she focuses her gaze on damon and nods. regardless of what he's about to throw at her, elena needs to know it. she knows that much, at least. but how do you prepare for the unknown? )
Can we start with Katherine? ( because that's the one detail that has plagued her more than anything, more than she'd ever like it to. ) Why did you think I was her, when we first met?
( start with katherine, she says, like it's just that easy, and damon... he doesn't know where to begin. there's a reason stefan was the one to explain all this to her, beyond the fact that they were together. stefan is better at tact than he is, better at being gentle. damon is a bull in a china shop compared to his brother, and usually he doesn't care, but he doesn't want to break elena. he wants so badly to help her get through this with as little pain as possible. )
In the summer of 1864, Katherine Pierce came to Mystic Falls claiming to be a refugee from Atlanta, ( he says eventually, voice low. he's being as delicate as he knows how to be, but he's never been one for gentility. he doesn't know how to say all this without hurting her. )
Her parents had died in the fire, or so she said, and she needed somewhere to stay. My father, in his infinite kindness, let her stay with us. From the beginning, I was completely taken with her. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.
( the words themselves are almost reverent in how they refer to katherine; the tone is decidedly not. it's only with the benefit of hindsight that damon sees how she was playing all of them, playing him, and he hates her for it. if she'd never come to mystic falls, if she'd lived with someone else, if her affection hadn't been so laser-focused on stefan...
well, he wouldn't be here now. despite everything, all the things he's done and had done to him, he wouldn't risk losing elena for the chance at a normal human life. )
Long story short, she was a vampire, the one who turned me and Stefan. She played us against each other, manipulated us, wrapped the whole town around her little finger and then bailed when things got tough. I thought she'd been trapped in the tomb beneath Fell's Church with the others, but she was really just on the run. She wanted to survive mores than she cared about anyone in that town, including Stefan.
( a pause, knowing he hasn't said enough, not sure what else to say that wouldn't require tearing open his own heart and letting it bleed out in front of her. the years of hopeless longing, the thought that all of it would be worth it because she was waiting on the other side — hating stefan for having any part of her affection, hating himself for not being enough —
katherine pierce tore through him and his brother like tissue paper. it's hard to put into words the damage she did. )
I thought you were her because you're her doppelganger.
( for this, he opens the link between them just enough for elena to know that he's telling the truth, and to see herself and katherine standing side by side in his memory. it's not something he'd expect her to just take on faith. )
( katherine, the Ex, was the one that turned the both of them. that isn't so much of a surprise, it makes sense, but it's still something of a shock to hear it. 1864, so long ago it doesn't even feel real, katherine waltzed into their lives and this was the result. she can't even imagine a human damon, an 1800s damon. it spins her out just to think about the fact that they had last been alive a hundred odd years ago.
but that's not the problem, that's not the most important thing here at all, and elena knows that it isn't before he even says doppelganger. she can feel the brief moment of tension, the complicated feelings gently knotting and twisting under the surface. it's easy enough to keep most things out of each other's heads, but some things - no matter how residual - bleed through.
but then she sees it through his eyes, and just like that everything changes. )
That's Katherine. ( that tension is coming from her now, twisting at her throat until she wonders how she's even breathing still, and it's all elena can do to keep herself from moving. the temptation to step back, to run even, is overwhelming. instead she stays still, painfully still actually, and even though all her muscles are practically seizing up with tension she forces herself to loosen up.
fists that she hadn't even been conscious of making are unballed, and she flexes her fingers slightly as she lets out a forced, breathy laugh. ) That's- I look like her. I look exactly like her.
( honestly it's like some cosmic joke, and she wonders briefly if there's even anyone she can be mad at for this. damon? he's the messenger, after all. stefan? he isn't even here, but it's just another thing he kept from her, another secret. katherine? it's not like she can really be angry with a woman-- vampire she's never met, but she'd like to be. )
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day 019 » all of these times i've tried to make you forget me
in the end the pseudo stalking wins out. she's not trying to mask her approach, but even if elena was making an effort she'd likely be all too obvious anyway. she's wary of the work being put into this particular skill now, conscious of the cost that could occur. lexa's warning is ever-present in the back of her mind now: Is that what you want?
there are a great many things that elena will sacrifice for the greater good, but she's not sure if she wants her entire sense of self to be one of them.
elena doesn't have to focus too much to be able to follow the distinct signature of damon, a shade different from everyone else around them. he's easily the person that she's had the most contact with since being here, bizarre as it still might feel he's the closest she's been with anyone. it's relatively easy to narrow it down once she's close enough, and by the time elena catches up with him they're in the rec room.
it's pretty immediately clear that she's here to talk serious. )
It's later.
( really, she thinks she's been very patient. there's so much eating her up about the kind of information that damon could be withholding, it's a wonder that she hasn't exploded. or that her brood haven't gone insane. she'll have to apologise for the turmoil she's causing the place one of these days, but for now at least her primary concern lies with what she still doesn't know. )
no subject
part of him wants her to be in his head forever, the other wants her out as soon as possible. like most things about him, it's a contradiction he doesn't know what to do with, so he's ignoring it.
when she finds him, he's sitting in the rec room, a book on his lap, but his eyes are only on her. he smiles a little, when he sees her, but before she even says anything, he knows what she's going to say, and the smile fades. after a moment, he slides the book off his lap, and beckons her over. )
This is going to be harder to hear than the other stuff, ( he says — not to dissuade her from asking, but as a warning. it's not easy to hear you were adopted, that the uncle you've disliked your whole life is your real father, that your boyfriend dated your doppelganger a century and a half ago... she's not going to like any of it.
but he won't keep it from her. she's been so patient already, she deserves to know. )
no subject
it's a vague gesture of control at best, and a real testament to just how incredibly out of control she feels in this place.
sat straight in the chair, expression sombre, hands clasped, she focuses her gaze on damon and nods. regardless of what he's about to throw at her, elena needs to know it. she knows that much, at least. but how do you prepare for the unknown? )
Can we start with Katherine? ( because that's the one detail that has plagued her more than anything, more than she'd ever like it to. ) Why did you think I was her, when we first met?
no subject
In the summer of 1864, Katherine Pierce came to Mystic Falls claiming to be a refugee from Atlanta, ( he says eventually, voice low. he's being as delicate as he knows how to be, but he's never been one for gentility. he doesn't know how to say all this without hurting her. )
Her parents had died in the fire, or so she said, and she needed somewhere to stay. My father, in his infinite kindness, let her stay with us. From the beginning, I was completely taken with her. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.
( the words themselves are almost reverent in how they refer to katherine; the tone is decidedly not. it's only with the benefit of hindsight that damon sees how she was playing all of them, playing him, and he hates her for it. if she'd never come to mystic falls, if she'd lived with someone else, if her affection hadn't been so laser-focused on stefan...
well, he wouldn't be here now. despite everything, all the things he's done and had done to him, he wouldn't risk losing elena for the chance at a normal human life. )
Long story short, she was a vampire, the one who turned me and Stefan. She played us against each other, manipulated us, wrapped the whole town around her little finger and then bailed when things got tough. I thought she'd been trapped in the tomb beneath Fell's Church with the others, but she was really just on the run. She wanted to survive mores than she cared about anyone in that town, including Stefan.
( a pause, knowing he hasn't said enough, not sure what else to say that wouldn't require tearing open his own heart and letting it bleed out in front of her. the years of hopeless longing, the thought that all of it would be worth it because she was waiting on the other side — hating stefan for having any part of her affection, hating himself for not being enough —
katherine pierce tore through him and his brother like tissue paper. it's hard to put into words the damage she did. )
I thought you were her because you're her doppelganger.
( for this, he opens the link between them just enough for elena to know that he's telling the truth, and to see herself and katherine standing side by side in his memory. it's not something he'd expect her to just take on faith. )
no subject
but that's not the problem, that's not the most important thing here at all, and elena knows that it isn't before he even says doppelganger. she can feel the brief moment of tension, the complicated feelings gently knotting and twisting under the surface. it's easy enough to keep most things out of each other's heads, but some things - no matter how residual - bleed through.
but then she sees it through his eyes, and just like that everything changes. )
That's Katherine. ( that tension is coming from her now, twisting at her throat until she wonders how she's even breathing still, and it's all elena can do to keep herself from moving. the temptation to step back, to run even, is overwhelming. instead she stays still, painfully still actually, and even though all her muscles are practically seizing up with tension she forces herself to loosen up.
fists that she hadn't even been conscious of making are unballed, and she flexes her fingers slightly as she lets out a forced, breathy laugh. ) That's- I look like her. I look exactly like her.
( honestly it's like some cosmic joke, and she wonders briefly if there's even anyone she can be mad at for this. damon? he's the messenger, after all. stefan? he isn't even here, but it's just another thing he kept from her, another secret. katherine? it's not like she can really be angry with a woman-- vampire she's never met, but she'd like to be. )
How is this possible?