(I was thinking about what happened to Sirius. About how he just fell asleep, without any warning. And I realized that he could be asleep for years, maybe decades, or that he might not wake up at all.
I want to do something for him, but I don't know what he'd want, and I can't ask him anymore.)
[She feels guilty, not being able to give Sirius what he deserves, if he does sleep into silence. She hopes he wakes up. She hopes with every inch of her self.]
(What would you want? If that happened to you, and you were asleep for a really long time.)
( damon never got to meet sirius. there's... a void in his head he imagines sirius might fit, a part of him that feels empty, but that's not exactly new. he's never really felt like a complete person anyway, it being a bit more literal than he's used to isn't much of a difference. as a result, he hasn't given much thought to him — can't miss what he's never known, and all.
he must have been something, for beth to be so worried about what he'd want done now that he's asleep.
Look out for Elena.
the response is involuntary. it was his first thought, strong enough that his everyday shields couldn't keep it to himself. if he dies, or falls into some crazy fucking coma, he won't need anything. he'll be dead. it's hard to want things when you're dead. elena will need someone to protect her, though, if he's not around to do it, and even though he didn't mean to say it, now that it's out there he's not about to take it back. )
[She means that. She'll take that request to heart, even if he didn't mean to make it. They're something like family now, and for her that means looking out for his important people if (when) he's gone.
There's gentleness and love and care in Damon, even if he tries to act otherwise. To Beth, that's worth supporting.]
(What about for you? If you were asleep for— years, or decades? Would you want us to leave you sleeping? Or let you go?)
( don't go around telling people about all the ways in which he's a total softy, beth — he'll have to kill someone just to prove he's actually an asshole, and you don't want that on your conscience. it is true that there's more to him than he ever really wants anyone to see, but the idea of being confronted with it, of people having expectations of him that he'll never be able to meet, in the end... it's exhausting and frustrating. better to just let people believe he's an asshole and be pleasantly surprised when he does non-asshole things.
Thank you.
the gratitude is laced with discomfort, but it is real. someone other than him needs to look out for elena, and she and beth are so alike, they'll be good for each other. either that or they'll encourage the other's more boneheaded traits, like believing in the fundamental goodness of others, but... in the (almost, kind of, not anymore) privacy of his head, damon can admit to liking those traits. neither of them would be themselves without them.
the next question, though, seems so obviously pointless, for a moment damon's totally silent. in the end, he decides not to answer the question strictly as asked.
[She likes Elena. She would have done it even if Damon hadn't asked her to. This just makes it more concrete; extended family is family, too.]
(I know.)
[It's not defensive. She does know; she hopes Sirius does wake up. But she's also not going to pretend it's not equally possible that he'll never wake up.]
(But in twenty years I still won't know what he would have wanted, if he doesn't wake up. And he doesn't deserve that. No one does.
( it takes a while for a concrete response to filter through the link, damon really considering the question, but in the end, his opinion hasn't changed.
Do whatever would make you feel better. If Elena's around, defer to her first.
he's rather a fatalist, when it comes down to it — a magic space coma is still a coma, and no matter what happens to him, he wouldn't know. he wouldn't have any feelings about it at all, being in a coma, and all. what is done with him all depends on the people who would be affected by his being gone. he really doesn't care, himself — he'd prefer to be alive and awake and able to look out for elena himself, but if in the end he's not, it won't be any more than he expected. 171 years is more than any one person should get, and he hasn't always spent them wisely, but he got to be around elena for this last one, and that's enough. if he fell into a coma tomorrow and never woke up, he wouldn't have any regrets.
[It's not her place to argue the point, even if that perspective is something that only halfway makes sense to her. It's true that they and Elena will be shouldering most of the emotional burden, if it happens, but to her there's a distinct difference between lingering in the in-between coma state and real death, real rest.
But that's her. The whole point is that he gets to decide, not her.]
(Misato and Shepard asked. So you don't have to worry about it, if you don't want to have to think about it. But I don't mind telling you if you do.)
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I want to do something for him, but I don't know what he'd want, and I can't ask him anymore. )
[She feels guilty, not being able to give Sirius what he deserves, if he does sleep into silence. She hopes he wakes up. She hopes with every inch of her self.]
( What would you want? If that happened to you, and you were asleep for a really long time. )
no subject
he must have been something, for beth to be so worried about what he'd want done now that he's asleep.
Look out for Elena.
the response is involuntary. it was his first thought, strong enough that his everyday shields couldn't keep it to himself. if he dies, or falls into some crazy fucking coma, he won't need anything. he'll be dead. it's hard to want things when you're dead. elena will need someone to protect her, though, if he's not around to do it, and even though he didn't mean to say it, now that it's out there he's not about to take it back. )
no subject
[She means that. She'll take that request to heart, even if he didn't mean to make it. They're something like family now, and for her that means looking out for his important people if (when) he's gone.
There's gentleness and love and care in Damon, even if he tries to act otherwise. To Beth, that's worth supporting.]
( What about for you? If you were asleep for— years, or decades? Would you want us to leave you sleeping? Or let you go? )
[But this point is important, too.]
no subject
Thank you.
the gratitude is laced with discomfort, but it is real. someone other than him needs to look out for elena, and she and beth are so alike, they'll be good for each other. either that or they'll encourage the other's more boneheaded traits, like believing in the fundamental goodness of others, but... in the (almost, kind of, not anymore) privacy of his head, damon can admit to liking those traits. neither of them would be themselves without them.
the next question, though, seems so obviously pointless, for a moment damon's totally silent. in the end, he decides not to answer the question strictly as asked.
He could always wake up, Beth. )
no subject
( I know. )
[It's not defensive. She does know; she hopes Sirius does wake up. But she's also not going to pretend it's not equally possible that he'll never wake up.]
( But in twenty years I still won't know what he would have wanted, if he doesn't wake up. And he doesn't deserve that. No one does.
That's why I think it's important. )
no subject
Do whatever would make you feel better. If Elena's around, defer to her first.
he's rather a fatalist, when it comes down to it — a magic space coma is still a coma, and no matter what happens to him, he wouldn't know. he wouldn't have any feelings about it at all, being in a coma, and all. what is done with him all depends on the people who would be affected by his being gone. he really doesn't care, himself — he'd prefer to be alive and awake and able to look out for elena himself, but if in the end he's not, it won't be any more than he expected. 171 years is more than any one person should get, and he hasn't always spent them wisely, but he got to be around elena for this last one, and that's enough. if he fell into a coma tomorrow and never woke up, he wouldn't have any regrets.
Has anyone asked you what you'd want, yet? )
no subject
But that's her. The whole point is that he gets to decide, not her.]
( Misato and Shepard asked. So you don't have to worry about it, if you don't want to have to think about it. But I don't mind telling you if you do. )