❰ it's been a long day. it's been a long century, and you're tired, and you just want to drink yourself into unconsciousness and avoid thinking about all the things that have made it a long century. you still haven't been able to get the taste of elena's lips off your tongue. what you thought were elena's lips. your heart hasn't stopped screaming for you to fall at katherine's feet and kiss the ground she walks on. she's alive, she's here, what does it matter that she ignored you for a century and a half when she's here —
you turn from the bar to leave the parlor and stop in your tracks. ❱
Very brave of you to come here, ❰ you say. it's not the steadiest your voice has ever been, but given the circumstances you think you did pretty well. katherine's sitting on the couch when you turn back around, long legs crossed, smooth, olive skin of her shoulders and arms on scandalous display. all you want is to kiss her. all you want is to kill her. ❱
I wanted to say goodbye, ❰ she replies, and you don't believe her for a goddamn second. there's a long pause as you wrestle with your impulses, trying to convince yourself to leave it alone, don't give her what she wants — ❱
Leaving so soon?
❰ you step closer. katherine tilts her head, gives nothing away. ❱
I know where I'm not wanted.
Don't pout, ❰ you say, lifting your glass to your lips. get out, you have to get out, she'll sink her claws in and then what will you do — ❱ It's not attractive on a woman your age.
❰ katherine gives a huff of a laugh, eyes never leaving you even as you hide behind taking a swig out of your glass. ❱
Ouch. ❰ she almost sounds impressed. you set your glass down and turn back around, trying not to look too much like you're fleeing before her, knowing you're failing. it's hardly a surprise when katherine blurs in front of you, face as impassive and uninterested as she's been this whole time. it burns you, how little she cares, while you're tearing yourself up from the inside out over her. she's beautiful. she's terrible. she's the love of your life. ❱ What, no goodbye kiss?
Why don't I kill you instead?
❰ god, you're pathetic. she's not worried, not even a little, and what's worse is she doesn't need to be. you could never bring yourself to do it, and you both know it. ❱
What are you doing here?
Nostalgia, curiosity, et cetera.
I'm better at the enigmatic one-liners, Katherine. What are you up to?
❰ you're on the defensive, is what you are. you haven't been on the defensive in decades. god, you need to get out of this room. every moment with her is a temptation you don't need, a chance for her to niggle under your skin and set up shop the same way she did a century and a half ago. you should be smarter than this, but you're not. you know you're not. you always were a fool for love. ❱
Trust me Damon, when I'm up to something, you'll know it.
❰ there's another pause, and then katherine seems to have had enough, stepping forward, crowding into your space. ❱
Come on. Kiss me. Or kill me! Which will it be, Damon? ❰ she's close enough to touch, now — close enough to kiss. ❱ We both know you're only capable of one.
❰ it hurts. she wasn't supposed to be like this. your reunion wasn't supposed to be like this. survive wars and decades alone and — survive, and she was supposed to be the prize at the end of your very long road. she was supposed to fall gratefully, happily into your arms, eyes alight with mischief and love. she was supposed to be your happy ending.
you turn, suddenly, try to walk away and put space between you —
but she blurs in front of you and shoves you to the ground, and there's only so much you can resist. you can feel your resolve crumbling. it's nauseating, how weak you are for her. how little she deserves it. how little she ever deserved it. ❱
My sweet, ❰ she lowers herself on top of you slowly. ❱ innocent, ❰ traces her fingers over your chest. ❱ Damon...
❰ you surge up, grab her by the throat and roll the two of you over so that you're the one on top of her. she let you do it, you know she wouldn't have put herself in this position if she believed for a second you were a real threat. you want to be a threat. you wish you could be a threat. all you are, though, all you have ever been —
is hers.
you kiss her, ravenous, and she just smirks into it, so pleased with herself it's vile. you don't care. you missed her. ❱
That's more like it, ❰ she breathes, kisses you again.
things get a little blurry from there. she pushes you against the wall, you know. your shirt is torn open, hers too. you have her pressed against the bureau, you're drowning in her, your lips against her jaw and her harsh breaths puffing against your ear. god, you missed her. you could almost forgive all of the years of loneliness, all of the pain, if she just — ❱
Wait, wait. ❰ you pant against each other, breaths mingling, and it almost hurts to pull away but you have to, you have to know. ❱ Brief pause.
❰ katherine shoves you away, puts feet between you. she looks — apprehensive, maybe, or just annoyed by the interruption. maybe something else. her back is to the wall now, her hair is wild and her tank top is torn and you love her so much you could die from it. you did die from it. all you want is for her to make it worth it. ❱
I have a question, ❰ you breathe, heart in your throat. please make it worth it. ❱ Answer it, and it's back to fireworks and rockets red glare. Answer it right, and... ❰ your voice catches. please. ❱ I'll forget the past hundred and forty-five years I've spent missing you.
❰ there's tears in your eyes. your voice is thick with them. please, please, let me get what i want — ❱
I'll forget how much I loved you, I'll forget everything and we can start over. This could be our defining moment, ❰ you step forward, arms spread, eyes on katherine but mind on the future, on what could be if she would just — if she could say it, just once — ❱ because we have the time, that's the beauty of eternity —
❰ you're back in her space. the two of you are at a tipping point, you can feel it — you're at a tipping point, and you want katherine to drag you down with her so badly you can taste it. your hands press to her cheeks, her hair. ❱
I just need the truth, just once —
Stop. ❰ she holds her hand up, and you quiet as easily as a loyal dog. your hand doesn't leave her face, stroking over her hair and thumbing at her skin. ❱ I already know your question, and its answer. The truth is, I've never loved you.
❰ you stop breathing. ❱
It was always Stefan.
❰ never. never? not even when you were worth loving, not even when you were human — never. you were always just a way to get to stefan. and why should you have ever believed otherwise? it's not as though she was subtle. it's not as though she ever did more than warm her bed with you. you should have known. you should never have wanted more than that.
there's nothing to say. you would just cry if you opened your mouth. loudly, embarrassingly, like a child. katherine takes your hands from her face and walks away, and you stand there, frozen.
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you turn from the bar to leave the parlor and stop in your tracks. ❱
Very brave of you to come here, ❰ you say. it's not the steadiest your voice has ever been, but given the circumstances you think you did pretty well. katherine's sitting on the couch when you turn back around, long legs crossed, smooth, olive skin of her shoulders and arms on scandalous display. all you want is to kiss her. all you want is to kill her. ❱
I wanted to say goodbye, ❰ she replies, and you don't believe her for a goddamn second. there's a long pause as you wrestle with your impulses, trying to convince yourself to leave it alone, don't give her what she wants — ❱
Leaving so soon?
❰ you step closer. katherine tilts her head, gives nothing away. ❱
I know where I'm not wanted.
Don't pout, ❰ you say, lifting your glass to your lips. get out, you have to get out, she'll sink her claws in and then what will you do — ❱ It's not attractive on a woman your age.
❰ katherine gives a huff of a laugh, eyes never leaving you even as you hide behind taking a swig out of your glass. ❱
Ouch. ❰ she almost sounds impressed. you set your glass down and turn back around, trying not to look too much like you're fleeing before her, knowing you're failing. it's hardly a surprise when katherine blurs in front of you, face as impassive and uninterested as she's been this whole time. it burns you, how little she cares, while you're tearing yourself up from the inside out over her. she's beautiful. she's terrible. she's the love of your life. ❱ What, no goodbye kiss?
Why don't I kill you instead?
❰ god, you're pathetic. she's not worried, not even a little, and what's worse is she doesn't need to be. you could never bring yourself to do it, and you both know it. ❱
What are you doing here?
Nostalgia, curiosity, et cetera.
I'm better at the enigmatic one-liners, Katherine. What are you up to?
❰ you're on the defensive, is what you are. you haven't been on the defensive in decades. god, you need to get out of this room. every moment with her is a temptation you don't need, a chance for her to niggle under your skin and set up shop the same way she did a century and a half ago. you should be smarter than this, but you're not. you know you're not. you always were a fool for love. ❱
Trust me Damon, when I'm up to something, you'll know it.
❰ there's another pause, and then katherine seems to have had enough, stepping forward, crowding into your space. ❱
Come on. Kiss me. Or kill me! Which will it be, Damon? ❰ she's close enough to touch, now — close enough to kiss. ❱ We both know you're only capable of one.
❰ it hurts. she wasn't supposed to be like this. your reunion wasn't supposed to be like this. survive wars and decades alone and — survive, and she was supposed to be the prize at the end of your very long road. she was supposed to fall gratefully, happily into your arms, eyes alight with mischief and love. she was supposed to be your happy ending.
you turn, suddenly, try to walk away and put space between you —
but she blurs in front of you and shoves you to the ground, and there's only so much you can resist. you can feel your resolve crumbling. it's nauseating, how weak you are for her. how little she deserves it. how little she ever deserved it. ❱
My sweet, ❰ she lowers herself on top of you slowly. ❱ innocent, ❰ traces her fingers over your chest. ❱ Damon...
❰ you surge up, grab her by the throat and roll the two of you over so that you're the one on top of her. she let you do it, you know she wouldn't have put herself in this position if she believed for a second you were a real threat. you want to be a threat. you wish you could be a threat. all you are, though, all you have ever been —
is hers.
you kiss her, ravenous, and she just smirks into it, so pleased with herself it's vile. you don't care. you missed her. ❱
That's more like it, ❰ she breathes, kisses you again.
things get a little blurry from there. she pushes you against the wall, you know. your shirt is torn open, hers too. you have her pressed against the bureau, you're drowning in her, your lips against her jaw and her harsh breaths puffing against your ear. god, you missed her. you could almost forgive all of the years of loneliness, all of the pain, if she just — ❱
Wait, wait. ❰ you pant against each other, breaths mingling, and it almost hurts to pull away but you have to, you have to know. ❱ Brief pause.
❰ katherine shoves you away, puts feet between you. she looks — apprehensive, maybe, or just annoyed by the interruption. maybe something else. her back is to the wall now, her hair is wild and her tank top is torn and you love her so much you could die from it. you did die from it. all you want is for her to make it worth it. ❱
I have a question, ❰ you breathe, heart in your throat. please make it worth it. ❱ Answer it, and it's back to fireworks and rockets red glare. Answer it right, and... ❰ your voice catches. please. ❱ I'll forget the past hundred and forty-five years I've spent missing you.
❰ there's tears in your eyes. your voice is thick with them. please, please, let me get what i want — ❱
I'll forget how much I loved you, I'll forget everything and we can start over. This could be our defining moment, ❰ you step forward, arms spread, eyes on katherine but mind on the future, on what could be if she would just — if she could say it, just once — ❱ because we have the time, that's the beauty of eternity —
❰ you're back in her space. the two of you are at a tipping point, you can feel it — you're at a tipping point, and you want katherine to drag you down with her so badly you can taste it. your hands press to her cheeks, her hair. ❱
I just need the truth, just once —
Stop. ❰ she holds her hand up, and you quiet as easily as a loyal dog. your hand doesn't leave her face, stroking over her hair and thumbing at her skin. ❱ I already know your question, and its answer. The truth is, I've never loved you.
❰ you stop breathing. ❱
It was always Stefan.
❰ never. never? not even when you were worth loving, not even when you were human — never. you were always just a way to get to stefan. and why should you have ever believed otherwise? it's not as though she was subtle. it's not as though she ever did more than warm her bed with you. you should have known. you should never have wanted more than that.
there's nothing to say. you would just cry if you opened your mouth. loudly, embarrassingly, like a child. katherine takes your hands from her face and walks away, and you stand there, frozen.
you breathe. ❱